turkfox: (adamandjacko)
[personal profile] turkfox
Title: Together, We Are Soldiers
Fandom: Gary: Tank Commander
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1300
Pairing: Jacko/Adam, established relationship
Summary: "I didn’t mean to snap at him, especially about something I know he’s sensitive about. But, honestly? I was scared."
Notes: Tiny spoiler for episode #2.6, but the episodes don’t having a running thread so you don’t need any prior knowledge. If you just need to know who the characters are, they’re the ones in this clip arguing. Jacko is the tall dark-haired one (“Mr Grumpy”) and Adam is the other one with a shaven head who speaks first.

Un-beta’d – it’s a miracle I wrote anything at all, so you’re getting it as-is for now. The show is in my natural dialect, West Central Scots, so I haven’t had to worry about remembering to use Standard English grammar. So, if you run into any bizarre wording or word orders, it’s entirely intentional for the character!

Cross-posted to [livejournal.com profile] garytank . Also, longest A/N ever, but I wanted to show you them in real life - Adam and Jacko.

For [livejournal.com profile] profcricket, without whom I don’t think I’d have been able to start writing again.

I didn’t mean to snap at him, especially about something I know he’s sensitive about. But, honestly? I was scared. I was so fucking scared. It was only supposed to be sex and I could handle it when that’s all it was. The moment I realised how deep I was in, I panicked. It’s not that I don’t do the guy thing, it’s that I don’t do the relationship thing, full stop. Not while I’m in the army, I’ve always said. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving someone behind if I was killed in action – the guilt was bad enough already with just my family to think about. So, when Adam told me he loved me, I didn’t know what else to do. I walked out, avoided his texts and calls all night and tried to act like nothing had happened.

He spent the whole of the next morning winding me up, that really bitchy way he gets as self-defence. Then he dropped that vending machine and I just snapped. I shouldn’t have said that about his brother, I knew as soon as the words had left my mouth. I’d never seen him so hurt and the look in his eyes was breaking my heart. I think that might be the only time I’ve ever been grateful to Sergeant Thomson for barging in to bark orders at us, because it meant I could look away.

Three days of sniping at each other and things weren’t getting anywhere. It took Charlie to sort us out. He’s always been the brains of our team and we’ve always wondered why he never considered university instead. He must have worked it all out and spoken to Adam first, because he seemed to know everything. He only asked me one question.

“What are you so afraid of?”

I’m scared that we’ll be sent out again and we won’t both come back. I’m scared he’ll be killed and I’ll lose him. I’m scared I’ll be killed and leave him alone, I’m scared because I’ve never felt like this and-

“I’m scared I might be in love with him.”

Charlie didn’t say anything else. All I got was a look, the sort of look that said I should know what I was supposed to do now. I did know, of course I knew. And still, I managed to end up fighting with Adam on the floor of the garage. Well, he started it. He’d started everything in the first place, that first night in Cyprus after Afghanistan. We’d both been a bit drunk and that girl had stood him up, so we’d ended up all over each other as soon as we’d gone back to the hotel. Although we’d agreed in the morning that it should be kept as a one-off, we kept finding ourselves together once we were back in Scotland, a moment snatched between duties or even the ever-so-rare whole night together when we had time off. I didn’t push him, always tried to wait for him to come to me unless I was desperate. He always started things then and now here he was, picking a fight again.

“Gary, we’re filthy!” I had told our corporal, hoping in some way that we could get out of the stupid advert audition. Another full day of cleaning duties had left us in such a state and I still didn’t want to audition anyway, so it was a good enough excuse.

Adam turned to me and announced, “So was yer maw last night!”

I took a swing at him and we ended up scrapping on the floor, Gary and Charlie’s feeble attempts to separate us proving no match for our combined strength. The director got a couple of the other guys to help so that he could get on with his auditions and we walked into the audition room. I say “walked” but it was more of a limp for me, given that my ankle had only recently healed fully and it had been stamped on in the fight.

One at a time, we stood in front of the camera and recited the lines. Charlie was up first and he pretty much nailed it, so it seemed a bit pointless for me to even try. Still, the director seemed to think I’d done alright. I don’t know what Gary was doing but it was an embarrassment, so bad that the director then asked us to leave.

“That’s it for the day, thanks for coming in.”

“What about Adam?” Charlie asked, always one to make sure everyone had a fair chance at things.

“Oh, I think we’ve got plenty of you as a unit.”

I stood up, fixed him with a hard stare and told him, “If you huvnae filmed the four of us, you huvnae got the unit. Understand?”

Gary added in one of his usual attempts to be clever, something about the girls in Abba, but I must have said my piece with enough conviction because it seemed to work and Adam got his chance to audition.

“Cheers!” he replied as he stood up, and I gave a grudging nae bother in response. We still weren’t on speaking terms again, though. He didn’t want to be the first one to speak, I’m sure – which was understandable, given that it was mostly my fault and he didn’t want to take the blame by going first. Meanwhile, I had a decision to make. I had to decide whether I could say it back, because saying it back brought so much with it.

A week later, we had the chance to see the first cut of the advert and I was quietly proud of my own performance and of the fact I’d been chosen to do most of the speaking. Back outside, on cleaning duty again, Adam brought up his own part, the single word they’d given him.

“Soldiers. That’s a gid word. I’m expectin’ panties through the post for that, my boy!” he called out to Charlie.

I turned to him with a sneer. I’d always felt so jealous when he pulled girls, even though we weren’t actually together. “Aye, granny pants.”

“Granny pants?” he replied and stared me down. I braced myself in case he was about to hit me. Then, that little scrunched-up-nose thing he does and, “Love it!”

He was being okay with me. He’d made one of his typical jokes and he was actually smiling at me. He’d made a move towards fixing things, so it seemed only fair that I should try.

“What I said, about... y’know...” I began, not quite being able to say it.

“Forget about it, you were tops! Well done, mate.”

“Cheers.” Then Gary and Charlie started that bloody thing about the mouse on the stair again and it was as though nothing had ever happened.

As soon as we got a break, Adam and I headed back to the room we shared with the other two and I pushed him back against the door as soon as it clicked shut. A soft brush of his lips against the skin below my ear was enough for me to know he’d forgiven me. I still spent the next seven minutes and thirty seconds on my knees in front of him, just to make sure the full extent of my sorry-ness had been conveyed. When I was back on my feet, he pulled me in for what I can only describe as the most erotic kiss I’ve ever experienced. I was already half hard, but I pulled away – we were due back any minute and I didn’t mind waiting.

As he reached for the door handle, I grabbed his hand and turned him back to me. “I...” I took a deep breath and smiled at him. “I love you, too.”



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