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Title: My Best Friend
Rating: R
Fandom: Generation Kill
Character: Ray
Words: 221
Summary: Reporter probably shouldn’t have asked Ray about his best friend...
Notes: Please don’t ask where this came from – I should probably be apologising for it in advance just in case! I should work on fighting the impulse to write cracky ideas immediately. I’m sorry. Except, I’m not.

--

My best friend? He’s pretty fuckin’ special, homes.
 
He’s always there when I need him. If it’s been a tough day, I don’t have to look far to find him. It’s kinda reassurin’ to know he’s around.
 
When I really need to get off, he’s there, the creepy fucker. Every combat jack, every sticky night in the humvee, he’s there. Even when I’m on the hunt for pussy in some shitty bar back home, he’s with me, givin’ me an indication of pussy quality so I don’t make any stupid mistakes I’ll regret later. It’s like having a “great pussy” radar, always hangin’ around so I don’t have that scary morning-after moment when I don’t know what the fuck I’ve woken up next to! I’m glad he got his shit together an’ started helping out with that, he used to let me go to bed with almost anything...
 
I’d say we’re a pretty fuckin’ awesome match for each other. We fit together well and I help him out just like he helps me.
 
Tell me you didn’t just ask who my fuckin’ best friend is.
 
It’s my dick, homes! Ain’t no motherfucker worth shit compared to my dick.
 
Don’t tell Brad I said that, though – poor bastard’d probably wanna end it all if he knew he was only my second-best friend!

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April 2012

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